Julikova in Moscow

I think I give up…

What can I say…He’s been wanting attention for a year already. Patiently constantly driving me mad. I thought I could never be with him ever again. But what if I’m right and all my problems come from there and I just need to face them? Just look up in his eyes and tell him to let me go…But will I EVER have the strength to do that? He took away everything from me a long time ago. I was so afraid of him that I just told some people that he was dead…just not to speak of him. Just the thought of seeing him again makes me shiver. My past has always been with me, haunting me, following me in nightmares…

I can’t trust anyone because of him – I lose people I love! Do I have anything to lose? No, I think I already lost everything I could. I lost my love, my best friend (just because he was a guy – I couldn’t trust him anymore). I can’t build anything new because I think from the begging that I know how the story will end. Have I sold my soul to the Devil? That would be weird cause I don’t think I got anything in return…not even the 2 million…

I leave it all in the hands of fate and whatever is written – it’s meant to be. But in 2 days I am gonna see him and I hope that in 2 days I’ll be cured…

“Where’s my friend who rings the church bells? Where are you my Quasimodo? They will hang me as the light swells, you can break these bars I know…” Да поможет мне Господь…